Title: Hal & E alone
Author: fazy
Email: chopstickssg@yahoo.com
Pairing: Haldir/ Elrond
Rating: G
Archive:
Summary: While everyone is out, Hal & E have a chat.


"You know, I had four invites in the mail this week."

"From?"

"Well, Galadrial asked me to escort her to some grand opening of some art house or something, Legolas's elder brother wants a private tea session, one of my men apparently thinks it's been too long and wants to do some catching up, and believe it or not, Britney Spears says she'll be taking a low-profile holiday here and wonders if I can drop by."

"You know Britney?"

"I did Madonna once. Or she did me, I can never be sure when it comes to Madonna."

"I'm really sure I didn't need to know that."

"Mmhmmm.... Well, anyway, you know they'll probably be wanting some lovin."

"Why am I not surprised."

"I used to just go without thinking."

"Slut."

"Meleth! You never said anything! I really thought you didn't mind."

"Well I do mind!" he frowns, then stops and sighs. "I mind a lot, Haldir," he whispers sadly. "I hate it when you go off with someone else. I hate it when you flirt so openly. It hurts me when you do that. It makes me feel like I don't exist, or that I'm unimportant. You make me feel so old and helpless, Haldir. Sometimes I feel like you're just having fun with me or that the only reason you stay is because I provide for you."

"Hush!" Haldir whispers in a pained voice. "Don't talk like that, melethnin. You know I love you. I didn't know. I truly didn't know. Why do you think I'm telling you about them now? Elrond, I wont go if you don't let me."

Elrond looks hard at Haldir. "Let me get this straight. You've been invited to—for want of a better term—sexually entertain some people, one of whom is your ex-lover's brother and another of whom is my mother-in-law."

Haldir blinks innocently.

"And you. You are asking me. Your lover. For permission. To act the courtesan. To go and entertain them."

Haldir nods. Elrond rubs his temples. "You are asking me for permission." Again Haldir nods. "You're not serious." Haldir blinks. "You are. You really are serious. You are asking me for permission." Elrond sighs and swallows hard. "Valar, give me time to digest it first. It's still not sinking in."

Haldy laughs. He kisses Elrond and swings his legs childishly, then suddenly pauses. "What the heck am I *doing*?!? I am Haldir of Lorien! I don't do cutesey, I don't do loyalty, I don't do love! Damn!" He bites his lip and thinks for a second, shaking his head. "Oh, to hell with my reputation," he says. Grinning mischievously, he kisses Elrond again, then snuggles up to him and laughs. "Elbereth, I can't believe I'm doing this!"

Elrond sighs heavily. "The day I understand you Haldir, will be the day the sky falls down."

"Hey, you wanna go up? Any more tea and I am seriously going to burst. Besides, I've got a new CD I can put on."

"You sure Lainie wont mind?"

Haldy waves his hand in a 'pfft, pfft' manner and rolls his eyes. "And before you ask, YES, I do know how to work her stuff. Or I can work it out at least."

"Legolas still thinks the mike jack is a magic sniper tool or something."

"Legolas is afraid of cars," Haldir states. "And his knowledge of how to work the tv remote is 'green button for on, tringles for changing channels and circle for volume'. AND he doesn't know how to switch to the AV channel."

"He's never had a shopping binge on a platinum credit card. You on the other hand have practically every nifty new gadget on the market. Including the new ultra light ixus with the power flash and built in recording. Bloody useless if you ask me. Expecially when you've hardly used the one I got you for Christmas."

"Yes, but that was almost four months old! This is a newer model!"

"Right."

"Did you see Aragorn's face when you offered fazy the card? He almost choked."

"Hmmm... wonder why... I was just trying to be nice."

"Maybe cos he's a son in law who's got financial problems and you've never thought of helping him out?"

"Oh, I thought of it all right."

"Just thought, eh."

Elrond hides a smile. "Well, I *did* think of it. I just thought it was more fun to see how he's get himself out of it. He always does, some way or another. It's like, he's got a built in survival mechanism that doesn't kick in till he's three inches from dead."

"Well, he has Legolas to take care of him."

"Just the way Legolas takes care of everyone else."

"No, Aragorn gets some special treatment. But I've always wondered how he managed on that job of his."

"He gets help."

"Hm?"

"Financial backing."

"Right."

"Think of it as helping out an old friend."

"Old friend. Hah. You're sending my ex money and it didn't occur to you to even tell me about it?"

"It's been going on a long time. Long. Long. Long time. I guess it slipped my mind."

"Oh great. I was sleeping with a bloody welfare dependant. Thanks a lot."

"You've been sleeping with everyone! I wouldn't be surprised if you tell be you've slept with Elbereth! And he was supporting the whole fellowship for goodness sake! You KNOW the only other people who bring in money are Aragorn, Gimli and Sam, and even then what the three of them get are barely enough for groceries. Especially with four hobbits and a manic alcoholic in the house."

"You could at least tell Gimli. The guy clocks overtime thinking that Legolas cant manage without it."

"Well, it keeps him happy. Guy likes rubbers. And it gets him night shift in a community environment. Throwback to dwarf days or something like that. Keeps him busy."

"Yeah. Whatever. Sooooooo....... Upstairs?"

"Why not?"

Haldir stands up and helps Elrond to his feet, and they head upstairs together. When they get to Lainie's room, he fumbles around the player, and then sits on the bed and fumbles nervously with the tv remote.

"Hey," Elrond says softly, sitting down beside him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing's wrong! Um, why do you think something's wrong?"

"Cos that's the only time you fiddle with remotes. It's so typically you. When you're angry you grit your teeth and brush your hair, when you're anxious you wring your hands and fiddle with stuff."

"Stuff?"

"CD players. Tv sets. Remotes. Computers........ Credit card machines."

Haldir laughs. "Idiot." He bites his lip and examines his nails.

"Okay, damn, now I know something's wrong. What's the matter?"

"You know, when you said you cant See? I think you're wrong. I think you can. I think you just don't want to."

"Yeah, right. I want to See more than ever at the moment."

"Do you? Meleth, maybe you know what's going to happen, but it hurts you so bad you wont allow yourself to think about it."

"HAH! You mean, you think it'll hurt more than my baby girl growing up and marrying a stinking mortal and making a mistake that she'll live to regret her whole life?"

Haldy takes Elrond's hands and looks at him seriously. "Meleth, you know what's going to happen. You do. You know it in your heart. Damnit, Elrond, you're still in love with him. You think you're not, but you are. I don't stand a chance against Glorfindel."

Elrond's face tightens. "And what makes you think that?"

"Hello? Haldir? Lorien Slut? Any of that rings a bell? Noticing this kinda thing is my speciality. It's practically my profession."

"What do you know about the fall out?"

"Nothing... only that the two of you were secret lovers masquerading as best friends. It was amazing nobody else saw right through that little act of yours. It was blindingly obvious that you were—are!—were!—crazy in love"

"I am NOT in love with HIM! I just cant blasted well See!"

Haldir reaches out and lays a hand over Elrond's heart. "Think, meleth. Think back. Do you remember the time when you were with Glorfindel?" Elrond flinches visibly. "Come, meleth. Don't turn away from it. Remember. Try to remember everything."

Elrond's posture crumples as he fights his memories. His face turns deathly white. "Haldir—"

"No! Don't fight it! Just try to remember. Breathe. Come on, now, meleth, just breathe. That's it. Steady. Try to remember. Don't think of the conflict. Think beyond. Remember the happy times. Remember the days where you lived for each other. Breathed for each other. Remember when you were happy. And you were so happy, melethnin. You were so happy."

Elrond breaks free forcibly and shakes his head. "No!" he whispers.

Haldir gets up and sighs. He turns away and rubs his eyes as if desperately trying not to cry. "You see. It hurt you so badly you cant even bear to remember. Meleth, you love him more than you've ever loved me. You love him so much that it kills you to even remember."

"Haldir, no..." Elrond plops his head down between his knees. "No..." he shakes his head brokenly. "No... don't. Stop it. Please."

Haldir sits down again and drapes his arms around Elrond. "Now you know why you can't See? You're afraid of knowing."

"And you aren't?"

Haldir kisses Elrond deeply. "I'm terrified," he says at last. "I know I'll loose you." He looks at Elrond for awhile, then looks away and wrings his hands, then blinks and raises a hand to his chest. He looks like he's having difficulty breathing.

"Ai, Elbereth," he wails. "I am Haldir of Lorien! I don't have anxiety attacks!" He blinks in alarm. "I *refuse* to have an anxiety attack! I am Haldir of Lorien! I never get—" he manages between gasps before it overcomes him. He raises his other hand to his throat and looks at Elrond in utter panic as he fights to draw breath. His right hand leaves his chest and flies to grab at Elrond.

"You're—a—a healer—damnit!—Do –some—someth—someth—something! Elrond! – Damnit!—Elbereth!—help!"

Elrond kneels before Haldir and takes both his hands in his and whispers softly in elvish. Due to plotholes and imperfect knowledge on my part, whatever he did works and Haldir's breathing slowly gets less frenzied.

"Oh," he gasps as his muscles relax. "Oh... oh... oooooooh," he groans with each breath, but his breathing still doesn't stabalize. He's not forcing air in anymore... but it seems he is forcing out too much air for his own good...

"What? What?" Elrond asks. Haldir gestures wildly towards the table. "What, tell me!" Elrond presses but Haldir cant speak. He gestures wildly. "Bag? Bag? Bag!"

Elrond scrambles for a paper bag, and Haldir spends the next few minutes breathing into the bag. He finally throws the bag away and flops exhausted onto Lainie's bed. His eyes are damp."Elrond?" he croaks weakly.

"I'm here," he says, taking Haldy's hand. "I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are," he whimpers.

"No. No, I'm not. I'm not, really I'm not."

"I'm tired."

"Then rest, meleth." He strokes Haldir's hands. "I'll be here. I'll be waiting for you to wake up again. I wont go anywhere. I promise you that. You know I never break a promise."

"Elrond?"

"Hm?"

"Lie down with me. Just hold me, please. I want to remember how that feels like... just in case."

And so Elrond lies down beside him and soothes him to sleep, but the moment Haldir is asleep, he rises and draws a chair up to the bed. He sits down and cups Haldir's hand in both of his. Sometimes he reaches out and strokes Haldir's cheek, or smoothes back his lover's hair, but for most part he just sits quiet and unmoving until the others return.

~End~